The Replacement Bridesmaid Page 18
Room to Breathe
Fall in love and marry him
Babies and kids and follow him
Perfect mother, perfect wife
Somehow I lost my life
Where is the love that I gave
Where is the family that I made
Best friend gone, kids are grown
This place I live is not my home
I need…
Room to breathe
Some one else to see
The wonderful in me.
Jump on a plane and fly away
Living my life day to day
Finding my voice I want to sing
In singing I find everything
I needed…
Room to breathe
Some one else to see
The wonderful in me.
Back home they say this isn’t me
They don’t know me, they don’t see
This is the real me,
I just needed to…Breathe…
Now life in a world of green
Where I am heard and I am seen
Where love has witnessed my new birth
And love had given me my new worth.
I needed…
Room to breathe
Some one else to see
The wonderful in me.
Jill looked up at Coyle. “What is –” She wasn’t even sure what to ask.
“I wrote it.” Coyle said. “For you. For you to sing.” He gestured at the band. “The lads said it would be okay.”
Jill looked at Kevin, Tim, Dooley and Collie. They were nodding and smiling.
“I’m – speechless,” she said, sitting down on the stool, gripping a page in each hand.
Collie picked up her violin, touching Jill on the arm with the bow. “Let’s give it a try, what do you say?”
Jill’s eyes locked onto Coyle’s and she nodded. He broke her gaze and moved over to sit on a couch along the wall in the rehearsal room.
“Okay, well, this will be a wee bit rough, but let’s give it a go,” Kevin said, as they all readied themselves at their instruments.
The melody was sweet and inviting. Not exactly a ballad, but with a nice tempo and the sounds of each instrument layering one over the other. Jill followed along as they played the introduction to the song. After a moment, she tentatively started singing the words Coyle had written for her. As she sang, she grew more comfortable with the melody and by the end was belting it out. She finished the last note and the music faded. For a moment, no one said anything, only looking at each other.
“Brilliant!” Collie cried out. They all started laughing.
“Well, maybe you can work on it a bit,” said Coyle. “I’m not much of a song-writer, am I?”
Jill crossed the room and kneeled down in front of Coyle.
“It was perfect. Thank you!” She launched herself at him, kissing him and laughing.
Coyle promised to meet Jill at his house to have an early dinner. She insisted that it be early; the next day would be busy for her, the band’s last day before they hit the road. There were last minute schedules to go over, packing to do, prepping the tour bus.
When Jill pulled into Coyle’s driveway, she saw that she had beaten him home. Digging around in her purse, she pulled out the house key he had given her just a few days before. That had been big, she knew, and didn’t want to abuse the privilege, but she was tired and really wanted to get a beer and sink down into that big leather sofa of his.
“Hello,” she called, flipping on the lamp on the table next to the sofa. She knew Coyle wasn’t home, but calling out made her feel like she wasn’t such an intruder. Moving into the kitchen, she opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. She opened it and took a long drink, letting the coolness bath her throat. Wandering back to the sofa, she flopped down and looked for the television remote. She’d spotted it on the other end of the sofa and was about to reach for it when the phone rang. Freezing, she wondered if she should answer it; maybe it was Coyle calling for her. Then she realized he would call her on her cell phone if he wanted her, so she reached on over and clutched the remote, before she sat back up and aimed it at the television. She clicked the television on just as the message machine picked up. Coyle’s voice filled the room, instructing the caller to leave their name and a message. Jill smiled at the sound of him, of his smooth, deep voice, his Irish accent. She thought she might never get tired of hearing him speak.
“Coyle,” a woman’s voice said, “are you there?” The caller waited a couple of seconds, and then went on. “I know you told me not to come to Killarney, so could you see me in Shannon? I need to see you. You need to see me, you know you do. If you’d stop doing a line with that other woman...” The woman trailed off and after a few seconds she hung up.
Was she that “other woman?” And what did she mean “doing a line” with her? All at once, Jill realized who the woman was. It was Sharon.
Jill considered what she could do, what she should do. She could ask Coyle about Sharon, find out what was going on between them. Or she could trust him, believe him that he did not love Sharon anymore.
She was sitting with the remote in her hand, staring at the muted television, when Coyle walked through his front door. The smile on his face when he saw Jill was all she needed to know.
Chapter 23
The day before the band was to leave, Jill sat at Buchannan’s having lunch with Collie. Jill knew she had to have one more grilled tomato and cheese sandwich before they went on tour. She didn’t know what to expect when they were on the road, but she suspected it would involve a lot of hotel food.
“Kevin is driving me a bit crazy,” Collie said, as she cut into the boxty she’d ordered. “I think he might be afraid I’m going to fall or pass out or something. I don’t know why he’s so worried; he’s been through this before with Susie and their snappers.”
“He’s just being a big brother,” Jill said.
“That’s not the worst part of it, though. My belly is out of control and it’s starting hard to find good clothes.” Collie stuffed a forkful of food into her mouth, chewing and swallowing before going on. “There’s some company in the states that makes clothes for pregnant rock stars. Can you believe that?”
Jill laughed. “Sure, I can. Do they have a website?”
Collie looked up at Jill. “A website! I’m sure they do. Maybe I can get some sent before we go on the big tour.”
“That’s a great idea. And Collie,” Jill said, ducking a bit to try and catch Collie’s eyes. “You look great all the time. I don’t think anything is going to change that.”
Collie smiled thankfully. “That’s awfully nice of you.” She picked up her glass of water, nodded at Jill to pick up her glass of ice tea, then they clinked the glasses together. “Here’s to being a pregnant rock star.”
Thinking about Collie and her pregnant rock star outfits, it occurred to Jill that she could use more underwear and socks for the tour, so after lunch she hopped on her bike and pedaled down to a small clothing store on a side street off High Street. The store was crowded with clothes and Jill felt like anything a person would need could be found here with enough time. An older woman stood at the back of the store, folding shirts and placing them on shelves.
“Hello, miss,” she called, giving Jill a little wave. “Are you looking for anything in particular?”
“No, thank you,” Jill said, wanting time to wander through the store. She walked through the aisles, finding a pretty cotton blouse and picking up a small package of socks. Making her way back up to the front of the shop, she spied a big bin of silky underwear just inside the door of the shop. Pawing through it, she pulled out a pair of bright pink thongs and holding them up in the air and shaking her head. She never understood the fascination with thong underwear. It wasn’t just that it seemed they would be uncomfortable; she wasn’t exactly sure what could be covered with such a small bit of fabric. It made more sense just to not wear anything.
Jill couldn’t believe it what she was seeing. There was Coyle coming out of a little pub right across the street. She smiled, putting down the panties she’d been looking at and started towards the door, still looking out the window. Before she got to the door, however, she screeched to a stop, as she saw a woman follow Coyle out.
They were clearly together. The blond woman reached out and clutched his sleeve. Coyle stopped and turned towards her. Jill couldn’t see the woman clearly through the lettering on the window, so she backed up into the shop to get a section of unlettered window to look through. By now, Coyle had both his hands on the woman’s shoulders. He was talking to her earnestly, leaning in close, his face just inches from hers. Jill still couldn’t see the woman’s face well; she was turned slightly away. Then Coyle released her shoulders and drew the woman into his arms. Jill’s heart dropped; she could see the woman clearly now, her face turned towards Jill as she pressed herself to Coyle’s big chest. It was Sharon, the pretty woman from the photograph Jill has seen in Coyle’s house. It was Coyle’s wife.
Jill froze to the floor, unable to tear her eyes away. It was like inching by a horrible car accident. It was ghastly, but you just could not stop watching as you, safe in your own car, rolled slowly by. She watched as they stopped hugging, the woman still clinging to Coyle’s shirt, her expression desperate. Coyle appeared to be gently talking to the woman as she was crying now. He brought one hand up to wipe away her tears, in a gesture that showed love and concern, and Jill’s heart broke.
Standing there rooted to the floor in the shop, Jill felt a cold hard dread deep in her stomach and a blossoming pain in her chest. Still, she couldn’t turn away. The woman rose up on her tippy toes, threw her arms around Coyle’s neck and kissed him. Coyle didn’t fight her off. Jill couldn’t watch anymore. She turned away, her eyes filling and nearly blinding her. Walking further into the shop, she bumped into the shopkeeper.
“Are you alright, miss?” the kindly old woman asked.
“Yes, yes,” Jill said, trying to hold her emotions in. “Do you have a restroom – a toilet, that I could use?” she asked.
The woman showed her the restroom and Jill went in, quickly shutting the door behind her. She lowered the toilet seat and sat down.
“Oh, no,” she said and the tears began rolling down her cheeks. “Oh, no.”
What had she just seen? Coyle swore that he didn’t love Sharon anymore, that it was over between them. But clearly it wasn’t. First, there was the phone calls. She had tried to ignore those, tried to ignore the obvious fact that Sharon was indeed back in Coyle’s life. Now this. Her mind burned with the image of Coyle wiping away the woman’s tears.
Jill was stunned that Coyle, who she thought she knew, would hurt her this way. He knew how vulnerable she was, how brittle her heart had been from her life with Scott. Ah, though, the thought of Scott made her stop and think. Who was she to get upset? She had run out on her husband without a warning. How was she any better than anyone else?
Jill stood up and went to the sink, looking at herself in the mirror. She wash her tear-stained face, fixed her hair. Fine, she thought, taking in and letting out a slow, deep breath. Fine. I’m leaving for the tour anyway. I don’t need the distraction of Coyle. I need to concentrate on the band.
She looked herself in the eyes, choked back another sob, took a deep breath and nodded to her reflection. If nothing else, the past few months had taught her that she was tough, resilient. This was just another bump in life’s road.
When she returned to the front of the store, Jill was relieved to find Coyle and Sharon gone. She rode the bike back to Bridy’s and finished packing for the tour. Then she picked up the phone and called Collie.
“Collie, would it be okay if I went ahead and brought my things over to your place tonight instead of waiting until morning?” Jill asked.
“Of course,” Collie said.
“And could I also stay the night? I just think it would be easier for us to get loaded onto the bus if I was already at your place.”
Collie hesitated, then asked, “Is everything alright?”
“Everything is great, I’m just excited and eager to start the tour.”
“Sure, then, come on over. I can send Kevin to come get you.”
“That would be great, thanks,” Jill replied. She hung up and called Coyle’s house, relieved that he didn’t answer. She didn’t really want to talk to him and was glad to leave a message for him telling him that the band was leaving an hour later than they had originally planned. She hung up after leaving the message. It would be better this way. Coyle was supposed to come get her in the morning and take her to the tour bus. By the time he got there, they’d all be loaded in the bus and gone. She couldn’t face him.
Chapter 24
Jill’s cell phone started ringing soon after the bus had left Collie’s. The caller ID showed that it was Coyle, but Jill let it go to voice mail. He called again, two more times. Then he called Kevin’s phone. Kevin looked back to see why Jill wasn’t answering, so she pretended to be asleep to avoid the questions. She’d talk to them about it later. She’d found a corner of the bus where she could be alone, put on her iPod headphones and gaze out the window. This should have been one of the most exciting days of her life, but instead she was heartbroken.
The bus rolled into Limerick a short time later. It was a large city, Jill thought she remembered hearing it was the third biggest city in the Republic of Ireland. The city sat on the next to the river Shannon and boasted hundreds of years of history along side glistening modern architecture. Jill stared out the window, her emotions mixed. This was thrilling, in a foreign country, seeing sights of a lifetime, embarking on a new career. But her heart ached, even as she smiled to the others as they chattered excitedly.
Their first concert was at the annual Summer Music on the Shannon festival, a month-long event that included not only concerts, but also a music school program. Collie and Kevin had taken part in the school program for several summers when they were kids and when they talked to the organizers about kicking off Rogue Irish’s new tour there, the doors were opened wide.
The concert would take place in the University Concert Hall at the University of Limerick. It was a small venue compared to some of the others they would play later on, only seating one thousand. The day they arrived the hall was dark, with no event, so Rogue Irish was permitted to begin setting up and if they had time, get in a rehearsal.
When Jill first walked out onto the stage, a stage larger than anything she had ever been on, she was overwhelmed as she looked out into the row upon row of seats. Covered in goose bumps, she peered up at the stage lighting, now a pure white light that she knew would be multi-colored for the concert. Walking to the edge of the stage, she looked down into an orchestra pit. She needed to be careful during the performance not to topple into it. That would be just her luck.
The band’s technical crew wandered onto the stage, having just arrived with a truck full of the band’s instruments and equipment. Kevin called for Jill to come join him where he stood with Dooley and a man with a huge beer belly and a gruff demeanor.
“This is Andy,” Kevin said, tilting his head towards the big-bellied man. “Andy is our road manager. He basically makes sure everything works and that we look good. Andy, this is Jill, our new vocal.”
Jill put her hand out and Andy shook it. “Nice to meet you,” he said, his accent surprisingly American, maybe somewhere from the south.
“You’re American,” she said, smiling at him.
He rolled his eyes at her. “So are you,” he said drolly, then he turned and started hollering at the rest of the crew as he walked away. Kevin and Dooley laughed at Jill’s bewildered expression.
“Ah, pay no mind
to Andy. He’s a bit of a knob, but he’s a fierce road manager,” Dooley told her, slapping her on the back as he passed her. “Come on, we have to go get ready for the photo shoot.”
“What?” Jill asked, confused again, looking from Dooley to Kevin and back again. Photo shoot? No one had said anything about a photo shoot.
“Collie didn’t tell you? Ah, well her mind gets dimmer the bigger her belly gets.” Kevin put his arm around Jill and walked her towards the stage stairs. “We need some updated shots, ones that include you. For the posters and advertisements and such. Come on, it’s usually a lot of fun.”
The photo shoot was more than fun, as the band posed for shots in several areas of the university campus. The photographer was someone the band had worked with before. The goal was to get some good, but low-tech shots for now and when they got to Dublin, they’d do some shots in a studio.
The first shots were more traditional shots, with the band members lined up on the steps of an old campus building, the women in front, the men behind. Collie was concerned about her growing belly taking over the shots, so for the next one, the photographer positioned them in a line behind a wall that was just low enough for Jill and Collie to rest their elbows on. After an hour, the photographer said he thought he had what he needed and told them it was a wrap.
“Can I see?” asked Jill, peeking over the photographer’s shoulder as he quickly looked at each shot on his camera display screen.
“Sure,” he said, showing her where to press to flip through the pictures. He handed her the camera and began packing up his gear.
Jill sat on a low block wall and pushed the button to see the first shot. As she viewed each one, a small smile came to her face. She looked like a... well, a rock star in the photos. Gorgeous, really, all in black with dramatic make-up and a seductive, yet friendly expression. She shook her head. What would the ladies back home in Phoenix think about these shots? Would they be disgusted? Maybe embarrassed for her? Stopping on one shot that showed her and Collie laughing at something one of the guys had said, Jill stopped shaking her head. No, those women would be green with envy, that’s what they would be.